The Fairy Tale of Least Effort

My new  favorite book is The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success by Deepak Chopra (more info on him here, if you're curious).



I ordered the book online secondhand and it had an inscription on it (dated Easter 1995) that read, "For my son - Another something washed up on the shore of the world. Choose what you need. Don't worry about the rest. Love, Dad"


How beautiful is that? I loved the book already and I hadn't even gotten beyond the inside cover. Always a good sign! 


I have no doubt that I'll be referring to pieces of this book again someday, but today I want to focus on Dr. Chopra's explanation of "The Law of Least Effort" (read the book when you get a chance, my attempts at simplifying leave out a lot of great information). Most simply put, "Nature's intelligence functions effortlessly, frictionlessly, spontaneously." He explains that the grass doesn't try to grow...it just grows. Flowers don't try to bloom...they just bloom.  One of my favorite quotes in the book is, 


"It is the nature of the sun to shine. It is the nature of the stars to glitter and sparkle. And it is human nature to make our dreams manifest into physical form, easily and effortlessly." 

This pretty thing didn't have to try to grow...it just did! 

Wait, what?! Life is supposed to be easy?!


He continues to explain that when our energy is used for things of love (when we're motivated by joy instead of fear, like yesterday's post), we can cut out the struggle. Now, if you have spent any time in the good 'ole US of A, this is not really the vibe perpetuated by popular culture. If you want something, you better work yourself to death, blood, sweat and tears, and fight for it! 


I'm tired just thinking about that last sentence.


I much prefer the idea that is within the Law of Least Effort - accept things how they are at this moment, wish for the way you want things in the future, and allow yourself to be motivated by love. When you truly do these things, you will experience a kind of freedom and success that is unlike anything you could have imagined.


Now (you knew this was coming!), let me tell you a story. 


Last post I talked about my divorce, and my process of embracing mistakes. After that, I was truly okay with myself, where I was in my life, and at peace with not knowing what was in store for me next. I was living day to day, enjoying the little things, blah blah blah. Then, my baby brother graduated from high school, and I drove home to Michigan for the weekend to celebrate with my family. That Sunday afternoon, I was driving back to Indiana for more graduate school awesomeness. Needless to say, eventually nature called, and I pulled into the Indiana Welcome Center Rest Area. 

Yup, I have a picture of the Indiana Welcome Center Rest Area. 

When I came back out of the restroom, I went to start my car to continue on my journey. I put the key in the ignition.


And nothing happened.

Repeat...nothing. So, I found my little hood popping button-thingy, and got out of my car. I wasn't but thirty seconds in to randomly tapping on engine-y looking parts (cars are not my skill area), when this guy came up and asked if I needed help:

Hubba hubba, why yes, I DO need help, thank you! 

He explained that he had locked his keys in his car, and proceeded to point across the empty parking space to his whole keys-locked-in-car set-up. He had a tow truck coming, and was more than willing to share the services.

Now, (ladies especially), I don't condone talking to strangers in places like rest areas (usually), but there was a serious block on my ability that evening to say, "No thank you, I'll be fine." Instead, I fluttered my stupid eyelashes and dove headfirst into my role as damsel in distress.

And thank Heavens I did!

[Check out the full story of how we met.   (scroll down a bit past the introductions and you'll find it)]

That night was the beginning of the most amazing adventure of my life, and it was EFFORTLESS.  I didn't have to try and meet the man of my dreams, I just did. I had accepted my current circumstances, I was living my life based on love and excitement, and ::poof:: he appeared, like magic. Like in fairy tales.

Taken by the talented Kiely Carlson at our wedding. 

I think when we let things happen effortlessly, the way they have been planned for us, the outcome is much better than when we try tirelessly to make things happen (square peg, round hole).

I wonder, what can you let just BE today? 


Now, I'm going to go wake up my Prince Charming, who is sleeping in on a rare day off from the hospital, so we can go play outside in the sunshine :)

You failed...YAY!

My name is Christine, and I am a recovering perfectionist.

Some days are easier than others, and yes, it is still difficult to be around others when they're being perfect. Nothings makes me want to flip my "Oh yes, I AM perfect, thank you for asking" switch more than seeing someone else do it.

The problem with perfectionism? At the root, it is based solely on fear. (It's also very obnoxious).

Kona, a frequent guest dog at our house, embraces her imperfections and fears nothing but vigorous exercise. 

The last few weeks, the subject of fear has come up frequently in conversations with both friends and clients. I have been starting to ask the question, "What, at your core, motivates you?" This is certainly not an easy question to answer, but something that deserves some pondering. When perfectionism was my schtick (please see my first post to catch up on the whole schtick rant), fear was my motivator.

Every.decision.I.made.was.ruled.by.fear.

At the time, I didn't realize it (too busy feigning perfection, no time for things like self reflection). However, there is no better remedy for perfection than going through a big whopper of a screw-up, and ::gasp:: surviving! (For those of you reading this who cannot fathom what it is like to be perfectionistic, the general belief is that any sort of screw up will most definitely result in death, leprosy, or an eternity of writing "I will not make a mistake" on loose leaf paper).

Once upon a time, I was very young (naive) and thought it would be a fantastic idea to get married. I knew the statistics of getting married young (I was in graduate school to be a marriage and family therapist, for Heaven's sake!) but was determined to beat the odds (a fantastic side effect of perfectionism). After a while of being in this marriage, I woke up one day and didn't recognize the person I had turned into. All of my energy was spent keeping up the facade of being happy, and convincing my colleagues, supervisors, family, friends, and husband of this happiness (it turns out later that those who knew me well saw right through this, but that's another story). The problem was, no amount of convincing everyone around me was enough to convince myself that I was happy. So, I naturally did what any perfectionist would do, and ignored  the inner voice that was quietly telling me it was time to make a change.

And I pushed on! Great success!

And then one day, I just couldn't anymore. The fear of failure that motivated my every move had drained me, and all that was left was a fragile shell of a person who used to be me. And it was sad. I remember the moment that everything changed for me. I was talking to my mom on the phone (something I still do about seventeen times a day, not interested in cutting the apron strings thank you very much), and without us really ever talking about "The" issue directly before, she just said, "Christine...you know you don't have to stay".

With those words, I was freed.

What came after that was a whirlwind (tornado? monsoon? tsunami?) of chaos and emotion and pain (oooh the pain!), but at the end of that, I sat down on my couch (in my house, where I now lived alone), took a deep cleansing breath, and realized that I just made one of the biggest mistakes a person can make. I contributed to the mounting divorce rate in this country, I dropped the ball, I failed.

And I had never, ever, ever felt better. 

Taken in Berkeley, California right after the divorce. I can't begin to explain the healing that happened on this trip, with some of the best people on the planet.

To get back to my original point, I felt released from the shackles of perfection. I was no longer making decisions out of fear. For some reason, making a very big, public error gave me a sense of power - I had already done "the worst", what else did I have to lose? I did all sorts of "crazy" things I had never allowed myself to do before, because I knew I couldn't do them perfectly. I sang karaoke for the first time (IN FRONT OF PEOPLE) and actually had fun! I started dabbling in photography and attempted poetry and reached out to different people and groups. I made a lot of mistakes, and enjoyed every minute of it. In the end, I learned to be motivated by joy, not fear. I began to ask myself, "What things can I do to enhance the joy in my life, and in the lives of others?" And believe it or not, when your focus becomes joy, the outcome is more joy.

As I type this, I'm sitting out on my beloved back porch of the home I share with super-husband and the pups, and literally cannot imagine being happier. I might even go as far as saying that I am bursting with happiness. And in exchange for this happiness, I have committed myself to a lifetime of proudly making mistakes. I already know it is worth it.

My sanctuary of uber-happiness!

I will leave you with one of my favorite quotes,

"Aim for success, not perfection. Never give up your right to be wrong, because then you will lose the ability to learn new things and move forward with your life..." - Dr. David M. Burns

...and a question. What, at your core, motivates you? 






Enjoy the sunshine in your day today, (regardless of the weather) :)