Diets Only Start on Mondays and Other New Beginnings

Last week, I woke up early to let the dogs out in the backyard, and was greeted by something very unexpected: a crisp, cool, fall-like breeze.

Now, I have a tendency to get excited about, well, nearly everything...(click here if you missed that whole tangent), but the commencement of fall deserves (and receives) serious enthusiasm. I'm sure I don't have to explain why autumn is so amazing (rich, vibrant colors on the trees, trips to the apple orchard or pumpkin patch, snuggling up in the brisk evenings with a hot mug of tea and a cozy blanket, etc), because it just is.

Of course, fall brings with it the beginning of another school year.  As a professional student, I have become quite skilled at starting new semesters, with the beginning of each one signaling a step closer to my life goal*: graduating for the last time ever.  This fall has been particularly special, because it marks the start of my tenth (and final!) year of higher education. Although I'm on internship this year and my schedule hasn't really been influenced by the official start of the semester, the symbolism of this fall in my life feels monumental. All future autumns and starts-of-schools will impact me, but never again as a student...perhaps as a professor or as a mommy to my (still-hypothetical) children, but not as a student (yippeee!).

Despite the special impact this year, to me, every fall feels like a season of renewal and a chance to start fresh. I know this is traditionally reserved for a) New Year's Day, B) spring, and the "blossoming of new life" (or whatever), or C) Mondays (particularly for middle-aged women about to start a diet**) but my personal preference is to keep fresh starts for the beginning of the fall season.

Butterflies: The official symbol for fresh starts and renewal. (Right? Or maybe I just made that up...) Either way, these guys really know how to embrace change and start anew. 

As it happens, I was recently lucky enough to learn some new things about myself that will have a huge (ish) impact on how I move forward in my life. I think it's no coincidence that this information came to my attention at a time I have already carved out for new beginnings. I look forward to embracing the changes that come my way this fall, in my own life and in my environment (as in, it's going to be gorgeous outside and I'm going to [try to] celebrate every single crisp, cozy moment).

According to the Farmer's Almanac (here), the autumnal equinox starts in just a few minutes from now (10:49 am EDT), which is the perfect time to throw out a new challenge for my readers: What new beginnings will you embrace this fall? What do you most look forward to during the changing season, and how will you celebrate it? Leave your comments below, I just love reading about your thoughts and experiences - you are so inspirational to me!

Happy Autumn to you all, and go enjoy the sunshine!

Christine :)





*That might have been slightly overdramatized (never!)...I actually have quite a few life goals (including, but not limited to, having children, getting paid to do the work I love, being financially secure enough to randomly surprise strangers with neat things, fitting in a pair of size 6 jeans [that are not 90% spandex], publishing a book, remembering people's names the first time I hear them, hiring a house cleaner [or learning to love cleaning my own house, but that's probably the least likely to happen], drink wine in Tuscany, be on a radio show, and keep a plant alive [by myself!!!] for more than six months [bamboo plants do not count]), but it would be super sweet to be done with school.

**Don't get me started on diets. Make healthier decisions most of the time for your whole life, and you'll be fine. I promise. And start the next time you eat, not on Monday.

Don't Squeeze the Bunny!

I know we've discussed my recovering perfectionism, but I'm not sure if we've hit on my overwhelming desire for control (at all times) yet. Perfectionism and control go together like peanut butter and chocolate (and can be just as dangerous, though arguably less fattening). So, I would say I spend a fair amount of my time trying to control my need for perfectionism and control (see what just happened there??).

I would like to argue (with myself, apparently), that a little bit of control can be a good thing. It helps me stay focused, decide what I want in life, and set goals to achieve all of these things I want.

Now, I don't know if you've known many therapists, but we are crazy about goals. There's purpose in this; if we don't know where clients want to end up, we can't really help get them there. Goals help fulfill a sense of control over therapy.

Thus, when you're a therapist and a recovering perfectionist/controlaholic, goals are the coolest.

Goals: Cooler than a frozen waterfall. 

About two weeks ago, I had a (fairly important) presentation* that determined quite a bit about the next 9 months of my life. Needless to say, I was a bit stressed that week. The morning of the presentation, I picked up two of my Deepak Chopra books I have lying around, and opened one up to him explaining the Law of Detachment. He says,

"In order to acquire anything in the physical universe, you have to relinquish your attachment to it. This doesn't mean you give up the intention to create your desire. You don't give up the intention, and you don't give up the desire. You give up your attachment to the result." 

Oddly enough, (well, not that odd after what we discussed in this post) I picked up the second book and happened to open it on the very same idea. Simply stated in Christine-ese**, you:

 1) Create your goal,
 2) Give up your attachment to the outcome, and
 3) Let God/the Universe handle the details.

Now, please refer to the beginning of this post when I explained my intense desire for control. Unfortunately, Point two above does not say, "Freak out and focus so much on the goal and outcome and don't think about anything else." Oh no. Point two is saying "Relax, and know that you'll be okay regardless of how things turn out." Point three goes beyond and says, "Oh, and while you're relaxing, the Powers that Be will figure out the details. You don't have to."

Have you ever met a control freak who lets somebody else figure out the details of something very important?!?

I didn't think so.

Take a note from the ceramic cat on the fire escape. Just chill.

I was chatting with a lovely lady the other day and she mentioned that in all areas of her life but one, she was doing really well. It turns out that in this one area, she had a very clear, outlined goal, and spent most of her waking hours thinking about how she was going to achieve it.

(Have you ever met someone who really really really wanted to find a significant other, and spent hours thinking about being in a relationship, planning out their perfect spouse, going on endless dates, etc...only they don't have any success in finding someone? Eventually, this person decides that they will never find a partner, accepts their fate as a singleton, and changes their focus to their own needs. Before you know it, after this paradigm shift takes place [aka the person decided they would be fine even if they never find a partner], they happen to randomly meet someone, fall in love, and live happily ever after.)

It was the same kind of thing for this lady. In the other areas of her life that were going well, she relinquished control and decided that whatever happened would happen, and she was going to be great no matter what. After a few months of this attitude, things fell right into place and were great!  This last thing, however, she couldn't let go.

For some reason, the three points that we talked about earlier jumped in my head during this conversation, and I imagined a small child with a little bunny rabbit. Now, children aren't always the most gentle with little animals...often when you're around a child with a  bunny (dog, cat, bird, lizard, whatever), you'll hear their parents saying, "Gentle...gentle....gentle!!!" Inevitably, the child will hold on to the bunny SO tightly it will want to leave. The tighter the child squeezes, the more the bunny wants to go.

Oddly enough, I don't have any pictures of bunnies in my files. In lieu of a bunny picture, here is me trying to make friends with a peacock. Same principle - the more I tried to be friends, the less he was interested. 

Now, picture that one big goal you have as a sweet, soft little bunny rabbit (Clear explanations of the metaphor I'm going for will be in parentheses and italics) You're holding Bunny, giving Bunny soft, gentle caresses, (Point One: you have established your goal) but you sense that Bunny doesn't want to be held anymore (You are not getting what you want related to said goal). Your immediate reaction is to hold Bunny tighter (Goal is not happening soon enough!). Eventually Bunny's eyes start bulging (You're getting stressed, more and more of your energy is being focused on not getting the goal) and if you don't stop soon, worse things are going to happen than Bunny hopping out of your hands (Your focus on the goal is making things worse in your life, not better! Plus, you're not any closer to achieving your goal than when you started!) 

So, after that weird and visual metaphor, the aforementioned lady and I discussed that the more she focused on her goal, the more it became like her squeezing the life out of poor Bunny.

Does this sound familiar to anyone else? It certainly hit home for me. I have no problem letting go of the little things in life, but the big things, the Goals (with a capital G) I have in place that are part of how I identify myself and that are big pieces of my "Life Plan" - those are harder to let go. And I tend to squeeze the crap out of Bunny with those.

Thus, in order to avoid being hypocritical and give advice that I don't take, I have been working on my own Big Goals, and have been practicing letting them go. So, I will remind myself on a daily basis, "Don't squeeze the bunny!" and just allow things to fall into place as they always do (when I stop trying to control things).

As always, I'd love to hear your own experiences with letting go, and would appreciate any hints/tips/tricks you feel like sharing for (me!!) others in the same boat.

I am so grateful that you took the time to read this, and I hope you have an incredible day :)



*The presentation went very well, thank you! 
**This is a very unique language that can be difficult to translate at times. It is rarely consistent but often spoken in a very  high pitched voice. 

GET EXCITED!

Yesterday evening Greg pulled into the driveway, and as soon as the dogs heard the garage door go up, they went nuts.  The dogs were barking and excitedly running around the house, and were ready to greet him with love and kisses the moment he walked through the door. This is certainly not a new phenomenon, and occurs every time someone arrives home.

The inspirations for this post, certainly excited about something!

In fact, the more I thought about it, these two pups get super excited for a lot of stuff. Actually, everything. For example (interpretation of dog response is in italics): What, a tiny dog treat that probably tastes like cardboard?! FREAK OUT YAY! The neighbor is walking down the sidewalk? OH MY GOODNESS! We get to go for a walk!? HOLY COW!! Someone is stopping by? SOOO EXCITING! 

And, typical for my (undiagnosed ADHD) brain, my train of thought went in a million different directions after this, briefly stopping at my experiences at work. As I've probably mentioned before, I work as a medical family therapist at a primary care clinic (mostly pediatrics). After the kids see the doctor, they get a sucker and a sticker at checkout. You would be amazed at how darn exciting getting a sugar-free sucker and the cartoon sticker of their choice is. It is so entertaining!

In fact, I think kids and pets have this excitement thing nailed down. There is an unrefined sense of joy and pleasure that we grown ups have lost somewhere along the way. Spend an afternoon with a kid (especially if they are between 2 and 5 years old) and everything is exciting.

I took this out of one of the children's therapy games I use at work...I thought it was a little racy for my pediatric population, but it incidentally works perfectly as a magnet on my fridge.

So, being the true social scientist I am, I started brainstorming what little things I get kid-and-dog-caliber-excited about:

1. Although I try to make healthy eating a priority in my life, I have a soft spot in my heart for ice cream. I don't know why, but the thought of getting a Dairy Queen Blizzard turns me into a kid heading to Disney World. Greg and I were driving around town the other day when he pointed out a building site and said, "Oh, they're putting in a Dairy Queen there." (We don't have a DQ within 45 miles of our house at the present moment). After my passionate reaction, he said, "I've never seen you that excited before!" and I said, "About ice cream?" And he said, "Nope. About anything." I hope he's kidding about that.

2. I love anything sparkly. This doesn't have to be diamond jewelry related (though oh em gee that is a good way to make my high pitched voice squeal even higher), anything sparkly will do. I don't necessarily own a lot of things that sparkle, but I really enjoy glittery things. A two year old came in the office this week with glittery pink Toms (in 2 year old size!!) and they melted my heart. I have a few canisters of glitter around the house and I really like to just look at them. Like a bird distracted by shiny things.

3. I think television is a fantastic little invention. Greg and I don't have cable, so we don't always have the pick of the litter when it comes to programming. However, sometimes through Amazon Prime or Netflix or whatever, we'll stumble across a new series that we really like. I honestly get so pumped when we snuggle up to a few new (at least to us) episodes of a good show. Current favorites are Arrested Development, The League, Mad Men, and The Newsroom. Love it! 

4. I love my little house, she has such a calm, lovely personality of her own. She also had a gorgeous garden that I have managed to (almost) completely ruin in the two years we've lived here. However, thanks to my husband's heroic efforts (when he isn't actually helping save real lives at work), we have a little garden of our own. It is so fascinating to me to see a flower blooming that we (read: he) grew. I mean, seriously! When is the last time you really looked at a flower? Each and every one is such an amazing miracle. AND SO PRETTY!

Another little miracle. Awww! I also think my husband gets the photo credit for this one. 

5. Two words: Crayola crayons. There is little more exciting in the world than a brand new yellow box of Crayolas. (I can smell them now!) I don't think I need to expand on this, but seeing as I am closer to 30 than any other major age benchmark, I've come to terms with the fact this is not something I will grow out of. Nor should I. 

6. Snail mail. Lately, I have been uber-blessed with a ton of hand-written letters and cards out of the blue. How exciting is it to check the mail and see a real card?? Even more exciting? An unexpected package! I will try to make an effort to send out more random letters and packages, I think it's a pretty universal thing to get excited about, right?


These came to mind right away, and my challenge to myself (and YOU) is to try and find a few little things every day that really make me excited (happy, joyful, etc). I have a feeling that if we spent a little bit more time on finding the excitement in everyday life, we'd feel a lot more magical :)

Have an amazing weekend! As usual, I'd love to hear about what little things get you excited - comment below if you have some suggestions for the rest of us to look for :)

Christine

What's Your Sign?

The comedian Bill Engvall (name drop alert: I totally met him at a charity golf outing a few years back, he's actually very nice) has a tagline that he often uses in his routine where he says, “Here’s your sign.”

I can't explain the look on his face, but that is definitely Bill Engvall.

He usually (read: always) means this in a not-so-complimentary (but usually funny) way, as in people should be handed signs when they do something stupid. I, however, would like to take a little bit of a different approach to the whole sign situation.

A sign of awesomeness.

I tend to lean towards the “life is magical” end of conceptualizing the world, and with that mindset comes a tendency to look for, well, magical things.  The best of these little reminders that magic does exist tend to come in quirky, silly ways. Let me tell you about a few that come to mind:

The man that bought my parent’s last house had a thing for Rod Stewart songs (I also have a nerdy love for Mr. Stewart) . As it turns out, after he and his wife walked out of their first look at the house, they got in the car and a Rod Stewart song was playing on the radio. At that moment he knew that my parent's house was the house for them.

On a similar note, a girlfriend of mine told me the other day that on her first date with her now-husband, her go-to “I’m on the right track” song started playing, despite the fact that the genre of the song was not at all congruent with the music usually played at their date venue. She knew right away that it meant something great was in store for their relationship.

Obviously, the story of how I met my husband (just in case you missed it) was full of signs that we were meant to be together…but you’ve already heard that story. However, when I first met my husband, my dog Mabel was spending the summer with my parents until I could sell my condo. Because of this, Greg and I had dated for several months before he had ever met her. Now, my sweet little pup had developed a certain (and dramatic)...let’s say…aversion…to men (with very few exceptions). I hadn’t mentioned this to Greg, and though my parents and I never mentioned it to each other, we were all anxiously awaiting to see her reaction to him. When Greg walked through the front door, Mabel went right up to him, nuzzled, and they were instant best friends. To this day, they are inseparable. Another sign!

Man and dog. I sometimes get a little jealous of their relationship.

A few weeks ago I was talking to someone who had recently lost his mother. He told me a story of how she would always give him a $20 bill when they saw each other, even if she couldn’t afford it or if he didn’t really need it. One day, as he was thinking of her, he opened up his wallet and tucked in it was (you guessed it!) a $20 bill.   That, along with a few other similar signs, gave him the peace he needed to know that she was still very much with him.

I was shopping the other day and had a random thought about a family member who passed away years ago. I left the changing room I was in, picked out more clothes, and returned to the (very same) changing room a few minutes later. As I opened the door to hang up my potential purchases, I looked down to see a penny on the floor, dated with the year of his birth. Bam. Sign.  

A sign that our Chinese food was only the start of a great evening.

Some of you naysayers might be thinking, “But Christine, those are just all coincidences…those things could just happen to anybody at any time, no big deal.” My response to you would be: you are absolutely right. Songs play on the radio, dogs like some people and not others, we all find money stuffed away in different places at one time or the other. Pennies fall out of pockets every day.  

However…what if there’s more to it?

What if these silly little things really are signs, designed to encourage us and show us that we’re doing the right thing, on the right path? I know that for me, life is much more enjoyable when I decide to see things as signs instead of just coincidences. Things seem more special, more magical, and give me a sense of peace that I'm right where I'm supposed to be.

Now, a special task for my readers - I want to hear about the signs that you've been given - post a comment below about any of your own experiences or stories. I am so excited to hear about the magic you've experienced in your life :)

Have a wonderful day!

27 Acts of Kindness = Awesome 27th Birthday!

About two months ago, I saw this blog post on Pinterest, and knew immediately how I wanted to spend my birthday. The brilliant woman who wrote the blog did one random act of kindness for every year of birth, which meant that this year, I'd get to do 27 things. In the time since I first saw the post, I have been slowly planning things out, making lists and collecting supplies for my big day.

My amazing husband surprised me with a super nice camera this morning (he and my parents and grandparents were in cahoots - thanks so much, everyone!!), so I had the perfect tool to document all of the fun I had today! Here goes:

These were the little tags I attached to some of the activities.

1. I dropped cookies off to my favorite across-the-street neighbor, Gary, and brought his newspaper to the porch out of the (threatening) rain.

2. and 3. We have new neighbors a few doors down on both sides of us who have recently moved in, so I went to introduce myself and drop off cookies. Nobody was home, so I didn't get to meet them face to face, but I did leave the cookies and a note welcoming them to the 'hood. (Incidentally, I got home a few hours later and one of the neighbors taped the sweetest thank you note to our front door! So much love in my neighborhood) :)

4. Per the aforementioned blogger's idea, I left a thank you note and some cookies in the mailbox. Reverse mail! So fun!

5. We have a (random) cemetery in the middle of our neighborhood, that seems to catch a lot of trash. I went and cleaned it up, and played around with my new (camera) toy.

6. Near the cemetery are the mailboxes for those who live in the duplexes. I have seen "Take What You Need" signs before, and thought it might be a nice place to hang one.

7. I have been avoiding a certain part of the sidewalk in our neighborhood for weeks because there was broken glass all over it. Today, I dug around my house for our little broom and dustpan, and went to work. No more glass, and no more worrying about puppy paws getting cut up!

Just in case you aren't familiar with broken glass. This is what it looks like. 

After doing my good deeds around the neighborhood, I came back to find these cuties greeting me at the front door, who inspired me for my next few (not quite random) acts of kindness.

8., 9., 10., and 11. I made doggie treats, using the recipe I found here. Mabel and Murphy gobbled them up, so I can only assume their friends that I dropped them off to (Katie & Melody, Tucker, Lucy, and Kona & Dublin) will enjoy them as well. Unfortunately, I didn't have any cute dog bone cookie cutters, so I went with stars.

12. Next, it was time to venture beyond the house and neighborhood. I went to the nearest grocery store and taped a $5 bill on a big box of diapers...who needs cash more than someone with a baby in diapers?

13. and 14. This was another idea stolen from the first blog I mentioned...I took dollar bills and taped them to toys at the dollar store. I creeped around for a bit to see if anyone found the dollars, but then I just felt weird. I decided to just imagine how exciting it would be for a kid to find it, and moved on.

15. One of the inexpensive grocery stores we go to is Aldi - you have to put a quarter in the cart in order to unlock it, and then you get your quarter back after you return the cart. Before I became a seasoned Aldi-er, there were many times that I would neglect to bring a quarter (or an extra bag) with me, and would awkwardly walk around the store attempting to juggle 15 different grocery items. So, for this random act, I taped a few quarters to the carts.

16. and 17. I wrote a few notes to some people I dearly love, so that they got some good old-fashioned snail mail, AND so they knew how I felt about them. (I think I could have written about 100 more notes to all of the amazing people in my life, but we'll save that task for another day, and another blog post).


18. I dropped off cookies to my girlfriend who just had the most adorable little baby girl. We chatted for a while (with her mom and sister, too!) and I took some pictures of sweet Abigail (I think I was the one who benefited the most from this stop, though!) :)

Raise your hand if you're the cutest thing on the planet!

19. I got to have lunch with my dear friend (who made the neatest present for me!) and gave her a bag of cookies, complete with a blue ribbon (she's having a little boy this fall).

20. I stopped by and picked up a bouquet of flowers, and went by the nursing home to spread a little cheer. I walked in and asked one of the medical assistants who she thought needed flowers the most. After deliberating with a co-worker, they decided on a "Miss Verma." I tracked her down in the common room and gave them to her, she was a sweet nearly toothless lady in a rocking chair, who thought they were "just beautiful" and was tickled to hear they were for her. After that, the medical assistant helped me track down a "vase" (aka styrofoam cup) and put them in her room. I chatted with a few more residents, and before I left, the medical assistant stopped me and (smiling) asked, "Um, Miss, who are you with? Who are you representing?" I explained to her my little project, and although I think she thought I was a little crazy, she just gave me the most genuine smile and wished me a good day.

21. and 22. I cleaned out our shelves and dropped off some food to the local food pantry. I also gave the workers a bag of cookies to thank them for all of their service. (This might actually count as a third random act towards my husband...I actually did a little cleaning around the house!!) :)

23. and 24. I wrote a letter to the animal shelter employees, thanking them for their dedication and telling them how much we love Murphy, our pup we adopted from them. I also picked up a bag of dog food to donate to the doggies that are staying there.

25. I donated to the Children's Miracle Network at a little collection site at the grocery store.

26. This idea is from one of my new favorite blogs, kindnessgirl.com. This amazing blogger (who one of my very good friends is neighbors and friends with!!) does so many great things, and makes me so excited to have children to involve in these sorts of activities. I went to the library equipped with sticky notes and a pen, and left notes of encouragement in a few different books. This was SO much fun, and I kind of want to do it regularly.

And, last but not least, 27!! The 27th was another idea from one of kindnessgirl's websites, guerrillagoodness.com. There is a number on her website you can text, and you'll get an assignment back to do a "guerrilla act" of goodness. Mine was to write messages on sticky notes and post them on mirrors around the community. This is another thing I will do frequently. 

 I also tried to have an attitude of total kindness all day long, smiling and saying hello to everyone who passed, holding doors open for people, and being a calm and courteous driver (as if I'm not already?!). We had a get-together that night at a local wine bar with 16 of my closest friends, who once again proved to me that I am so spoiled and loved, and made me want to go out and do another 100 acts of kindness to bless others as I have been blessed. Thank you to everyone who was part of my day!

Oh, I love my husband! (also, my fabulous in-laws sent me that scarf for my birthday! I love it!)

Me with three gorgeous party guests.

My girlfriend Melissa is the most talented baker, who made me this chocolate peanut butter heaven cake - all gluten free!!

Baby Abigail even came out for a bit to celebrate!! So many thanks to her mommy and daddy!

This was SUCH an amazing day! This will definitely become a new tradition for my birthday...I'm already planning for next year :) Feel free to leave any suggestions or ideas for other acts of kindness, I would appreciate it. Have a LOVELY day!

My Namesake is a Three-Legged Male Cat

Not to be too dramatic (well...actually, yes) there has been a miracle.

(Incidentally, this miracle has nothing to do with the title, I was just trying to get your attention. The title is, however, true).

I was driving to work last Monday morning (I work about an hour away), and felt so great. I was ahead of schedule, the radio was pumping out some amazing music (80's and 90's awesomeness, if you must know), and the sun was already out and shining. As I was driving, I was making a mental list about how wonderful life was, when in my rear-view mirror, I saw the state trooper that just drove past do a u-turn in the road, and turn his lights on.

Not a good sign.

Another sign, though different from the kind of sign I'm talking about. Also, much funnier.
(Taken in Glasgow, Scotland on our honeymoon last year)

I thought for a second, "What are the chances that there's been an emergency at 7am in the direction I'm going, and the nice police man has to get there quickly!?" Answer: No chance.

Now, if you are my baby brother and you're reading this right now, you need to stop. (He seems to think his sister is a poor driver with a lead foot and begs me to be more careful, and if he finds out about this whole incident I'll really never hear the end of it. Also, ladies, he's 21, handsome, talented, brilliant, and caring enough to worry about his big sister, if anyone is interested ...just leave a comment below).

As you have probably already figured a few paragraphs ago, Mr. State Trooper decided that I was, in fact, breaking the law, and did pull me over. Now, this marks the fourth time I've gotten pulled over in my life. The first time I was in college in Michigan, going WAY (I mean WAY) too fast. I cried, the officer was flustered (and had a SOUL!) and let me go. The second time was a few years later in Indiana on my way to Chicago, and I was pulled over by a state trooper. This guy could not have been a day over 21, and I easily flirted my way out of it (not because I'm particularly gifted at flirting, but because he was 21 and from the looks of it, a little nerdy and perhaps a bit nervous). Southern cops are just not as forgiving as those Midwestern boys, let me tell you. The third time I got pulled over was last July in North Carolina on my way to see my 8am client. This man was sneaky, on a motorcycle, and hiding  behind a bush. I got my first ticket from him.

Bummer.

After that ticket, I feel like I spiraled downhill. There were a lot of other things going on at the time (some minor but annoying health issues, a stressful PhD program, continual car problems) and I just felt that this was the icing on the cake. I turned into someone who I did not care for very much, very moody and negative, with a dose of depression and anxiety for good measure (God bless my husband for still tolerating me). This lasted for quite a few months, and although it wasn't the ticket per se, the ticket represented all that was "bad" (I use quotations because in hindsight, those things were clearly not big deals, but did feel like it at the time) in the world.

Anywho, back to last week. Being amazingly polite and slightly flirtatious was not working, and though it crossed my mind, I decided I was too old to turn on the waterworks. So, as Mr. State Trooper was kind enough to take my license and registration back to his bat mobile, I was doing some deep breaths (as I tell my patients and clients to do during stressful times, practice what you preach!) and screaming to myself,

WHAT LESSON AM I BEING TAUGHT!?


New Christine is big on lesson-learning. For example, last month I accidentally washed my smartphone and was phone-less for close to two weeks. The lesson I was being taught was to unplug and relax a little more. I am frequently taught lessons on patience (like when I hit every red light, or have to deal with people who test this particular quality). Like many formal tests in school, if you fail, you usually have to take it over again at some point. The universe is kind to me, so I get many opportunities to re-take certain tests if I don't do so well (::cough::patience::cough::).

I was furiously trying to figure out the lesson in hopes of calming myself down. Was I being taught to slow down in life? (You see, lessons are usually metaphorical, so it couldn't be something as simple as actually slowing down, as in, driving the speed limit...plus, I'm clearly not ready for that). However, I decided that I had been doing very well slowing down in life and being reflective, so it couldn't be that. I was at a loss.

Proof that I do stop and smell the roses. Almost literally.

After I had been given my ticket, and continued my journey to work, I had an epiphany. There was absolutely no reason to let a silly ticket ruin my day. After all, it was only money. And then I realized that I had actually thought those words all by myself (aka without my mother's prompting). I have a tendency to get stressed about money, when in 100% of times, things have worked out. Despite this, I would usually still feel it was necessary to waste my energy worrying  for absolutely no purpose. This needless worry was the root of the stress last summer, because every time something not-so-fabulous would happen, I would let it feed into my victimized thinking, "Oh poooor me! Why does this always happen to meeee?" And then I would worry about the outcome.

But this time, it was different. Almost exactly one year later, I was given the same exact test (in the form of a speeding ticket) and now had the opportunity to show how much I had grown and changed...and I passed! I was able to control my thinking, keep myself calm, and have the inherent wisdom that things would work out, because they always do. 


About ten minutes after I got to work that morning (still on time, mind you), one of the fabulous women I work with said, "Oh, my (well-connected lawyer/county official) uncle can take care of that! He's always getting me out of tickets." She took the ticket.

And that was that. Done.

So, embrace the lessons you're being taught today. There is no better feeling than getting a test in life, and passing with flying colors (even if it's the 50th time you've had to take it). In fact, I would argue that the more you have to take a test, the better it feels when you actually pass it :)

Thank you for reading, and have an amazing day!

The Fairy Tale of Least Effort

My new  favorite book is The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success by Deepak Chopra (more info on him here, if you're curious).



I ordered the book online secondhand and it had an inscription on it (dated Easter 1995) that read, "For my son - Another something washed up on the shore of the world. Choose what you need. Don't worry about the rest. Love, Dad"


How beautiful is that? I loved the book already and I hadn't even gotten beyond the inside cover. Always a good sign! 


I have no doubt that I'll be referring to pieces of this book again someday, but today I want to focus on Dr. Chopra's explanation of "The Law of Least Effort" (read the book when you get a chance, my attempts at simplifying leave out a lot of great information). Most simply put, "Nature's intelligence functions effortlessly, frictionlessly, spontaneously." He explains that the grass doesn't try to grow...it just grows. Flowers don't try to bloom...they just bloom.  One of my favorite quotes in the book is, 


"It is the nature of the sun to shine. It is the nature of the stars to glitter and sparkle. And it is human nature to make our dreams manifest into physical form, easily and effortlessly." 

This pretty thing didn't have to try to grow...it just did! 

Wait, what?! Life is supposed to be easy?!


He continues to explain that when our energy is used for things of love (when we're motivated by joy instead of fear, like yesterday's post), we can cut out the struggle. Now, if you have spent any time in the good 'ole US of A, this is not really the vibe perpetuated by popular culture. If you want something, you better work yourself to death, blood, sweat and tears, and fight for it! 


I'm tired just thinking about that last sentence.


I much prefer the idea that is within the Law of Least Effort - accept things how they are at this moment, wish for the way you want things in the future, and allow yourself to be motivated by love. When you truly do these things, you will experience a kind of freedom and success that is unlike anything you could have imagined.


Now (you knew this was coming!), let me tell you a story. 


Last post I talked about my divorce, and my process of embracing mistakes. After that, I was truly okay with myself, where I was in my life, and at peace with not knowing what was in store for me next. I was living day to day, enjoying the little things, blah blah blah. Then, my baby brother graduated from high school, and I drove home to Michigan for the weekend to celebrate with my family. That Sunday afternoon, I was driving back to Indiana for more graduate school awesomeness. Needless to say, eventually nature called, and I pulled into the Indiana Welcome Center Rest Area. 

Yup, I have a picture of the Indiana Welcome Center Rest Area. 

When I came back out of the restroom, I went to start my car to continue on my journey. I put the key in the ignition.


And nothing happened.

Repeat...nothing. So, I found my little hood popping button-thingy, and got out of my car. I wasn't but thirty seconds in to randomly tapping on engine-y looking parts (cars are not my skill area), when this guy came up and asked if I needed help:

Hubba hubba, why yes, I DO need help, thank you! 

He explained that he had locked his keys in his car, and proceeded to point across the empty parking space to his whole keys-locked-in-car set-up. He had a tow truck coming, and was more than willing to share the services.

Now, (ladies especially), I don't condone talking to strangers in places like rest areas (usually), but there was a serious block on my ability that evening to say, "No thank you, I'll be fine." Instead, I fluttered my stupid eyelashes and dove headfirst into my role as damsel in distress.

And thank Heavens I did!

[Check out the full story of how we met.   (scroll down a bit past the introductions and you'll find it)]

That night was the beginning of the most amazing adventure of my life, and it was EFFORTLESS.  I didn't have to try and meet the man of my dreams, I just did. I had accepted my current circumstances, I was living my life based on love and excitement, and ::poof:: he appeared, like magic. Like in fairy tales.

Taken by the talented Kiely Carlson at our wedding. 

I think when we let things happen effortlessly, the way they have been planned for us, the outcome is much better than when we try tirelessly to make things happen (square peg, round hole).

I wonder, what can you let just BE today? 


Now, I'm going to go wake up my Prince Charming, who is sleeping in on a rare day off from the hospital, so we can go play outside in the sunshine :)

You failed...YAY!

My name is Christine, and I am a recovering perfectionist.

Some days are easier than others, and yes, it is still difficult to be around others when they're being perfect. Nothings makes me want to flip my "Oh yes, I AM perfect, thank you for asking" switch more than seeing someone else do it.

The problem with perfectionism? At the root, it is based solely on fear. (It's also very obnoxious).

Kona, a frequent guest dog at our house, embraces her imperfections and fears nothing but vigorous exercise. 

The last few weeks, the subject of fear has come up frequently in conversations with both friends and clients. I have been starting to ask the question, "What, at your core, motivates you?" This is certainly not an easy question to answer, but something that deserves some pondering. When perfectionism was my schtick (please see my first post to catch up on the whole schtick rant), fear was my motivator.

Every.decision.I.made.was.ruled.by.fear.

At the time, I didn't realize it (too busy feigning perfection, no time for things like self reflection). However, there is no better remedy for perfection than going through a big whopper of a screw-up, and ::gasp:: surviving! (For those of you reading this who cannot fathom what it is like to be perfectionistic, the general belief is that any sort of screw up will most definitely result in death, leprosy, or an eternity of writing "I will not make a mistake" on loose leaf paper).

Once upon a time, I was very young (naive) and thought it would be a fantastic idea to get married. I knew the statistics of getting married young (I was in graduate school to be a marriage and family therapist, for Heaven's sake!) but was determined to beat the odds (a fantastic side effect of perfectionism). After a while of being in this marriage, I woke up one day and didn't recognize the person I had turned into. All of my energy was spent keeping up the facade of being happy, and convincing my colleagues, supervisors, family, friends, and husband of this happiness (it turns out later that those who knew me well saw right through this, but that's another story). The problem was, no amount of convincing everyone around me was enough to convince myself that I was happy. So, I naturally did what any perfectionist would do, and ignored  the inner voice that was quietly telling me it was time to make a change.

And I pushed on! Great success!

And then one day, I just couldn't anymore. The fear of failure that motivated my every move had drained me, and all that was left was a fragile shell of a person who used to be me. And it was sad. I remember the moment that everything changed for me. I was talking to my mom on the phone (something I still do about seventeen times a day, not interested in cutting the apron strings thank you very much), and without us really ever talking about "The" issue directly before, she just said, "Christine...you know you don't have to stay".

With those words, I was freed.

What came after that was a whirlwind (tornado? monsoon? tsunami?) of chaos and emotion and pain (oooh the pain!), but at the end of that, I sat down on my couch (in my house, where I now lived alone), took a deep cleansing breath, and realized that I just made one of the biggest mistakes a person can make. I contributed to the mounting divorce rate in this country, I dropped the ball, I failed.

And I had never, ever, ever felt better. 

Taken in Berkeley, California right after the divorce. I can't begin to explain the healing that happened on this trip, with some of the best people on the planet.

To get back to my original point, I felt released from the shackles of perfection. I was no longer making decisions out of fear. For some reason, making a very big, public error gave me a sense of power - I had already done "the worst", what else did I have to lose? I did all sorts of "crazy" things I had never allowed myself to do before, because I knew I couldn't do them perfectly. I sang karaoke for the first time (IN FRONT OF PEOPLE) and actually had fun! I started dabbling in photography and attempted poetry and reached out to different people and groups. I made a lot of mistakes, and enjoyed every minute of it. In the end, I learned to be motivated by joy, not fear. I began to ask myself, "What things can I do to enhance the joy in my life, and in the lives of others?" And believe it or not, when your focus becomes joy, the outcome is more joy.

As I type this, I'm sitting out on my beloved back porch of the home I share with super-husband and the pups, and literally cannot imagine being happier. I might even go as far as saying that I am bursting with happiness. And in exchange for this happiness, I have committed myself to a lifetime of proudly making mistakes. I already know it is worth it.

My sanctuary of uber-happiness!

I will leave you with one of my favorite quotes,

"Aim for success, not perfection. Never give up your right to be wrong, because then you will lose the ability to learn new things and move forward with your life..." - Dr. David M. Burns

...and a question. What, at your core, motivates you? 






Enjoy the sunshine in your day today, (regardless of the weather) :)

Hopping (or delicately stepping?) on the Bandwagon

It seems these days that everyone (EVERYONE) is writing a blog. This works well for me; I have a long history of being (a little too) nosy, and having access to the inner thoughts and experiences of strangers is the equivalent of, well, something really awesome.

Ironically, hearing the inner thoughts and experiences of (near) strangers is part of my livelihood (I'm an individual, couple and family therapist, among other things), and it never does get old. The unique beauty of reading blogs is being able to be a part of these stories, without the responsibility of helping the storyteller make sense of them. As I have come to a point in my life where I am working to build and enrich my own story, I have decided to get it out for the benefit of others out there like me, who are a bit too nosy for their own good, and either a) have too much time on their hands, or (probably more likely) b) are procrastinating from something.

I held off on blogging for a while because I didn't feel like I had a "schtick" - there are so many people with great blogs directed towards cooking, or fitness, or DIY fancifulness...how was I to present myself? What could I give the world? For some reason, sometime between when I woke up yesterday morning, and about twenty minutes ago, I decided that my transparent-humanness (and ability to make up words, apparently) is my schtick. Also, I should be working on my dissertation, and was in need of a (long-term) distraction from productivity.


Blogging really is the gift that keeps on giving. 


Anyways, a brief introduction of things that will probably come up in my pursuit of transparent-humanness: I am a doctoral student in Medical Family Therapy (a program that has brought together my passion of stories with my fascination of the human body), and I am in my last year (which brings with it an entire set of blog posts in itself; I have been labeled as a student for so long I can only figure I will go into retirement post-graduation). I am a native Michigander who has been transplanted to the south (and loving every hot, sunny, drawl-y minute of it), and part of my day is spent remembering to say soda instead of pop, and trying to find a balance between "ya'll" and "you guys". I am married to my bestest friend in the world, who happens to cut people (legally) for a living as a general surgery resident.  The life of a surgeon's wife comes with an additional level of excitement and challenge, and will probably come up in this new little blog, too. We have two rescue mutts (pronounced "rez-cue-moots" please, it makes them feel more special) who entertain me daily, and I have secret aspirations (oops, not so secret anymore) of popping out a baby (or six) and turning this schtick-less blog into a platform for discussing my amazing (and prodigious) babies and my incredible, effortless success at being the perfect mother. 

My perfect angels, Mabel and Murphy. They take after their father.

I tend to be a little sarcastic. 


Anyway, there are so many areas of pure joy in my life, and part of my (real) purpose of blogging is to both share and hear stories of magic in everyday life, and to find a way to transform "regular" experiences into something fulfilling and entertaining (if only for myself).


If you took the time to read this post, thank you; if I aided you in your own procrastination, you're welcome. 


I will leave with a picture of my super-husband and yours truly on our one-year wedding anniversary (an idea stolen from Pinterest, which will be another theme in this theme-less blog), for those of you who like your blogs with a side of photos (I'm hoping the birthday fairy [aka super-husband] brings me a fancy camera [like this one if you're reading, Honey, Nikon D5100 16.2 Megapixel Digital SLR Camera With 18mm-55mm Lens - 25478] for my birthday next month to add pretty pictures to my new blogging habit). 

We met at a rest area (not to be confused with truck stop) in Indiana. More on that  craziness later.

Have a lovely sunshiny day!